I sit here in the airport as Britney and little Everhett take a nap and am just trying to wrap my head around all that has happened in the last few weeks.
I sit and realize how vulnerable I am in this very moment and time in my life… I know some of you already know this and it is probably something you don’t talk about in the virtual open, but I got let go from my previous company or I guess terminated really..eeek, ok there I said it out loud. It was like ripping off a bandaid. During this time I start thinking of the recession and tough economic times as well as trying to get married in 6 weeks AND trying to start a non-profit…. so many things run through my head like.. um, Lacey, have you lost your mind and now your job!
I started reading a book called, Say Yes to God, during this time and it talked about courageously surrendering to God and the first chapter was titled, Leap of Faith. Now if this isn’t a leap I don’t know what is..Or maybe more like a shove… The book gave a similar example of how eagles teach their young to fly. In a nut shell, they are born into a comfy nest on the side of a cliff, not a pretty and fluffy budding tree.. A cliff! Evenutally the mother stirs up the nest making it uncomfortable, then she shoves them out of the nest where they free fall in panic. She catches them each time until they learn how to fly with their own wings.. hmm.. I think the message is pretty clear on that one. I have poured myself into this book looking for God’s answer to the hurdles now placed firmly in front of me. There was no denying this newly developed unemployment…
How would we handle this? Will my fiance be upset with me? Will this put a cloud over our wedding? How can I start this new family with Adam without a job or bringing anything into our family? What will we do? Do I have what it takes to get BFR off the ground? What did I do wrong at work? Am I a failure? How did this happen? Am I dreaming?
So many things ran through my brain during the next 24hours.
My valiant, not sure if that is right adjective but it seems fitting to me, fiance came to my side and rescue. He just held my hand and said, “Babe, it’s gonna be ok…. God’s got this.” He didn’t need to say another word.. I knew he was right. These trials are really just tests of faith, and our faith has to outweigh any obstacle that comes our way.. Afterall, worry is just taking the wheel away form the Big Man Upstairs. The Kenyans have taught me so much about complete faith in the Lord and how He will always provide. They taught me to reeeeeally open my eyes.
Now this is not to say I am not terrified because the future is so uncertain.. But I prayed so hard and so much about Be Free Rev and prayed for guidance and then this happens. I feel there has to be a message within this experience about what direction He is wanting me to go in.
As soon as I came home from my first trip to Kenya, I knew I was completely and utterly gloriously ruined by the people that came into my heart. I knew I would never be the same and I didn’t want to be. So really the reasoning behind my leaving my company was my own fault.. I was completely devoted to these people and their suffering, their faith and their future. So my heart was in a different place and God just handed me a very abrupt stop sign in the path I was currently taking and that’s ok. Everything will be ok… God’s got this.
Now, I am on a less lit road as far as being able to see what is in front of me or beside me, but that is where faith comes in right? God is there and that is all that matters. He keeps reminding me through little things that His hand is on this company and cause.. He also provided with me an insanely incredible faith-filled fiance, family and friends. Since the day this fell to my doorstep they have encouraged me through it all and put complete faith in our ability to get BFR off the ground. God has given me the MOST incredible support system that even when I tell them, “Hey I think I am going to hop a plane to Kenya in, oh um, a couple days.” They respond with encouragement, positivity and LOVE! I feel so blessed for them. It makes the road of uncertainty less scary knowing others can be your strength when yours gives out.
I am working harder than I ever have to try and make BFR move forward and even harder on my faith in knowing He has us in His hand and to just stop looking back and sideways and just look FORWARD. I have never believed in anything more than I do in this and this cause to help others to help themselves. To help these beautiful people in ANY way I can. The Africans we have met always talk to us of blessings. They say that because they have so little they are able to see the blessings every single day and sometimes when you have so much you take your blessings for granted.
Well, I could not believe that more than I do now. God is amazing..Just amazing. I have never felt more blessed than I do right now. God has showered me in blessings so when it does rains I have many, many umbrellas in my life to keep the road bright and clear 🙂 Thank you to all of you who have held that umbrella in my life lately. Getting to this point , getting to Kenya, and fulfilling this vision would not be possible without your ever-giving support
Now here I sit in the airport… thousands of miles away from home…
A gloriously ruined girl with a new career path of beautiful uncertainty but with a purpose that is bigger than myself.
Here I sit about to hop back to Africa to do what we have to do in order to take this vision a step further.
Here I sit, courageously surrendering to Jesus Christ answering His call with..Yes…
*If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart** -Oswald Chambers